When commenting about the various ills of our country, state, or society, I often preface it by saying, “If I were king … “. As a Type A personality, I often imagine what it must have been like for the early pharaohs and kings to simply say, “This is the way it will be.”

Sticking with that fantasy for a few moments, I thought it would be fun to provide some things that I would immediately change “if I were king.” We can share these ideas every few weeks just for fun, but there are some ground rules.

First, we’ll stay away from politics and religion. (Doesn’t make any difference what others’ viewpoints may be if you’re king!) And, for those of you who are already slamming the sexist use of the word “king,” let’s all agree that the same power would hold true if you would be the “queen.” In simple terms, call the position whatever you wish – it’s the person making all the rules!

So, to get things started off, here is my list of some things that would change if I were king:
1. The IRS would cease to exist. Everyone will pay a tax based on their purchases excluding basic food, medicine, and clothing. Luxury items will be subject to the tax. There will be no other exceptions to this rule.
2. Everyone is personally accountable for their actions. If you climb to the top step of a ladder, lean over, and fall, too bad. It’s your fault – not the ladder manufacturer, not because there wasn’t a warning sign, not because the wind was blowing. It’s YOUR fault.
3. If you murder, rape, molest a child, or commit a similar heinous act, you will be thrown in the moat immediately following a guilty verdict from a jury of your peers. (The moat is full of hungry crocodiles.)
4. If you commit a crime, you’ll do the time … ALL of it. Sheriff Joe Arpaio will be managing the penal system. If you repeat the crime, you’ll be thrown in the moat the morning following a guilty verdict from a jury of your peers.
5. All children will attend school. Parents will be responsible for their child’s attendance and academic performance. All students will learn how to be productive using their minds or their hands, but everyone will graduate with skills which will enable them to earn a living.
6. Everyone will work or they will not eat. Those claiming disability will be personally reviewed by the king. Anyone faking a disability will be thrown into the moat.
7. Every subject over the age of 17 will serve at least 2 years in the military. No exceptions. Conscientious objectors will be used in non-combative roles, but must serve at least 2 years.
8. No contract shall be longer than 2 typed pages. A person’s word, handshake, or signature all carry the same weight. Anyone defrauding another will perform community service for not less than 1 year for the first offense. Any subject convicted of a 2nd offense will immediately be thrown in the moat.
9. Any subject found guilty of abusing animals will be thrown into the moat immediately upon conviction of a jury.
10. No professional athlete will earn more than 5 times the average teacher’s salary.

So … what would YOU change if you were king?

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