When I was growing up and did something stupid (which was often), my dad would always ask me, “Well, did you learn anything?”  It didn’t take me too many times to figure out not to touch the exhaust manifold or lean on the radiator to check the fan belt.  Most people learn to avoid pain pretty quickly.  It was the subtle things in life, however, that weren’t so clear.  Like the time I told my English lit teacher I really didn’t care whether Marlowe or Shakespeare wrote a particular piece of work.  (I still don’t care!)  But, the entire class spent 6 weeks of their lives researching, making notes, and writing papers on the issue.  I think the remark cost me at least one letter grade and my dad said I should have kept my mouth shut.  Probably, but I really never learned how.

I appreciate my dad’s coaching.  He asked a lot of questions rather than always giving me directives.  (Although he did a lot of that, too.)

As I began my career, I found it helpful to ask questions rather than give directives all the time.  (Yes, there are situations which demand directives, but when a coaching opportunity presents itself, take advantage of it!)  Listening to answers can provide a keen insight into the individual.  Simply giving directives may get short-term results, but you won’t be as confident in the future that the thinking and decision-making process has been corrected.

I like to ask 3 questions when coaching.  First, “How do you think things went?”  I’m interested in their assessment of the outcome.  If they think things went well when they obviously didn’t, it’s my fault for not being more clear in my expectations.  Sometimes taking more time to describe desired results will help the decision-making process.

Next, “What were you thinking?”  I don’t ask this in a negative way.  I am truly interested in what thought process led the person to conclude their actions were the best alternative.  Sometimes, I’ve been surprised to learn the individual was thinking in the right direction, but chose the wrong alternative.  Other times, it’s pretty clear, the decision-making process was broken.

Finally, I’ll ask, “What will you do differently next time?”  It’s kinda silly to ask this question because if the person was paying any attention at all, they should know the right answer has to do with something we’ve just discussed.  But, I’ve been surprised more than once.  Ideally, this is the time to wrap up the coaching session and offer encouragement … or make sure the individual understands that one more such outcome may put their job in jeopardy.

Asking questions rather than giving directives generally helps to lead the individual to the right conclusion.  Leading is a good thing.  Thinking independently is a good thing, too, because if I’m not there to give direction, the individual’s own decision-making process has to take over.

Has your coaching experience been similar?  Do you prefer questions over directives?  Would like to hear from you!